USED CARS

Buying a car

THIS THING'S A HEAP OF JUNK. (Don't point to your mother-in-law.)

I THINK IT'S WORTH ABOUT HALF OF THAT. (Make sure they don't cut it in half.)

I DON'T REALLY LIKE THE CAR. (Try not to dribble and jump for joy while saying this.)

THE BEST THING ABOUT THAT CAR IS THE AIR IN THE TYRES.

The salesman

IT'S ONLY DONE 3,000 MILES. (Make sure it's not a brand new car.)

A LITTLE OLD LADY OWNED IT FOR THE PAST 20 YEARS. SHE ONLY USED IT TO DRIVE TO CHURCH ON SUNDAYS.

SOMEONE ELSE IS REALLY INTERESTED IN IT. (Yeah, the wreckers.)

THEY SAID THEY WILL BE BACK WITH THE MONEY ANY MOMENT NOW. (That was in 1908.)

IT'S GOT NO RUST. (Or panels or paint.)

PURRS LIKE A KITTEN. (Runs like a dog.)

THAT HOLE'S SUPPOSED TO BE THERE. (Make sure it's not where the engine should be.)

I CAN'T HEAR A KNOCKING NOISE.

THAT SMOKE COMING OUT OF THE EXHAUST MEANS IT'S A HIGH-PERFORMANCE VEHICLE. (Mmmm . . . yeah, you've got a high chance of being pulled over for air pollution.)

I'LL BE SORRY TO SEE THIS LITTLE BABY GO. (Yeah, if it can go.)

THEY DON'T MAKE THEM LIKE THIS ANY MORE. (Yeah, they burnt the blueprints years ago.)

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